[I'm just trying out something here; if it works I might inflict one of these on you all after every race. ]

[Or it might just die a sad and unlamented death ]

Round One

The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Didn't Win In Qatar:

10. Colin Edwards. The "Texas pre-season bluster" has a new pity clause in his contract, which states that "His Rossifuminess shalt not finish more than 4 places higher than I in 2007."

9. His bike is crap; you know, the one that won a shiny BMW just a couple of weeks beforehand.

8. He thought that it was Gibernau riding that Ducati. "Is ok, no problem. He is fast, but always make little mistake. So I beat him again for sure." And there was that whole curse thing, too.

7. Stoner coats his leathers liberally with Vegemite. Sensitive Latin-type that he is, Rossi's eyes were watering from the strong odour instantly recognisable as the world's greatest breakfast condiment, and that made it impossible for him to stay in Stoner's draft. He could only get close on the slow corners, where there was no wind.

6. His bike is a steaming pile of shite; you know, the one that dominated preseason testing, and led Colin "the Texas Nostradamus" Edwards to predict: "I don't see any reason why Valentino and I can't finish 1 and 2 this year."

5. He knew it would piss Pedrosa off to see Stoner get a win.

4. He'd forgotten to get Casey a wedding present, and a GP win was the best he could do on short notice.

3. His bike is like, you know, only the slowest bike to have ever been fielded by a factory team in the history of everything, everywhere. There is nothing at all good about this nail.

2. It's that Japanese mentality. They put too much fuel in it. Also, Ducati were cheating.

And the number one reason why Rossi didn't win in Qatar:

With about 3 laps to go, Rossi barged past Stoner, trying to bluff him with one of his patented "I'm-pulling-the-pin-now" moves. Stoner promptly repassed him, putting paid to that, and then proceeded to gap him, in the process setting the fastest lap of the race on the last lap. Rossi could do nothing, and settled for second.

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Round Two

The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Did Win In Jerez:

10. Colin Edwards's pity clause worked in his favour this time, as the Texan "Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!" Texan finished on the podium for the first time since... China 2006, a total of 14 races ago. At this rate, he should be on the podium again at Philip Island.

9. His Yamaha was cra-- ... actually, it wasn't so bad, was it?

8. Rossi tried some of Stoner's Vegemite coating on his leathers, and found it had two benefits. The odour of the world's greatest breakfast condiment not only kept Pedrosa and Edwards successfully at bay, but also allowed Rossi to put the hammer down from early on... in an effort to get away from himself.

7. He hadn't won for something like six months, and was obviously a shattered man. Hayden, Melandri and Capirossi personally convinced all the other riders to "let Vale have one".

6. His eight mates standing at the dry sack corner in the ten-pin bowling suits would have looked pretty fucking stupid if he hadn't.

5. Slumming it down with the test riders (Yes, you too, Olivier) during FP3 scared him so much that he invoked an anti-Gibernau curse on himself.

4. After the piss-poor Yamaha that he fronted up with at Qatar Fiat stepped in with some quality parts.

3. Pedrosa would've won, but for problems with a thinning fuel mixture. During the race he kept adding fluids of some description to the tank. Hayden was apparently another victim of Pedrosa's leaky bladder--not that it's an excuse, or anything.

2. Elias got a bad start this year.

And the number one reason why Rossi won in Jerez:

Settling in behind Pedrosa on the first lap, he realised that #26 was looking a little tentative early on. He dived past, quickly established a half-second gap, and that was the race right there. Pedrosa could match him after that, but never got any closer; and then when the tyres went off, Rossi kept on it like they hadn't, recording a comfortable victory that was all class.

lmao thats brilliant!!

i think this will have been inflicted on me for the next race

Good points made with great humor. I'll make sure not to use any vegemite in bed!!!

vegemite sounds like it works wonders.
im going to slather some on next time i go to the bar and see if i pick me up an aussie skank

quality sun!

Oh mate, I am really sorry, no offence but just could not cope with it, must be like a really hot Mexican sauce for breakfast for the rest of the world, ‘vegemite’… could not cope with it. After all mates did say ‘looks like shit, smells like shit… greatest breakfast”.

I'm encouraged by the responses so far; cheers!


Heh, there's no denying it's an acquired taste. Vegemite's one of those kinds of food that you really have to be brought up on.

There's worse out there, as a breakfast food. Much, much worse. Google (image) for natto and you'll soon see what I mean.*




*Duly note, that, by using Google, you risk the wrath of the "knowledge, like world titles, must be earned in a 'good' way" luddites. It's apparently also tantamount to admitting that you are nothing but a wet-behind-the-ears-idiot.

:D:D
LMAO Rising Sun...

Isn't Vegemite a crap imitation of the Real Thing: Marmite ?

Them's fightin' words, Bikergirl!!!

Nice one mate.............very funny indeed!!



Particularly found this piss funny!!!!!!!!

Oh no! Are you going to fight with me too????


You're right. Probably though they only got into their costumes when they were sure he'd win it. Especially after the debacle at Valencia...
It's probably why Rossi built up a good gap on Dani..it was the 'go get into your costumes...quick!!!' signal...

Haha Excellent Sun. Great posts. I fuly expect to read your top ten list after every race.

Yeap, of course there’s worst out there, you’re right, it’s just what we grew up on… just that I recall memories of it, and well, didn’t get used to it really. Anyway, cheers mate!

When you slander the world's greatest breakfast condiment™, you leave me with no other choice! It's butter knives at dawn, I'm afraid...

Actually, I saw a story in the news the other day about prisoners in England somewhere getting drunk off Marmite--so maybe it's not all bad!!!

Ahem... bump!

Round Three

The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Didn't Win In Istanbul

10. Colin Edwards. The pity clause in his contract was invoked again when "the Texan slow-starter"--waiting for his tyres to get some heat into them--went down in a mid-pack tumble before completing a lap. Technically, Rossi was supposed to finish in 13th, not 10th, but it wasn't for lack of trying--shit, he even let Hoffman pass him...

9. He didn't have a wife/girlfriend to hold his umbrella for him on the starting grid. His constant companion, Uccio, had volunteered to do the job, but Dorna blocked this on the grounds that only race queens are eligible.

8. His Yamaha was cra-- ... I mean, his Michelins were crap.

7. Stoner took the Vegemite back from Rossi after Jerez. The odour of "the world's greatest breakfast condinment™" scared Colin "the Texan I've-forgotten-me-Aussie-heritage" Edwards so much that he dropped from 2nd to about 8th after Stoner went past; it made Rossi run wide at first scent; and it then Capirossi, and, later, Elias didn't dare get within smelling distance.

6. Since we all know that this year the championship is a fight to the death between Pedrosa and Rossi, with Pedrosa out Rossi lost all motivation--especially once he realised that it was a different Spaniard who was clumsily trying to overtake him...

5. In an effort to find more top speed for his ever-struggling Yamaha, Rossi switched from boxers to speedos. But his pre-race squat-chat with his bike gave him a massive wedgie, and he spent most of the sighting lap, the warm-up lap, and moments before the start trying to pick it out--with little success. No matter what he did it only got worse as the race went on. In his misery, he asked each rider that he let pass for advice on what to do. When Hopkins told him to relax and enjoy it, he tried to push the Suzuki rider off the track. Finally he could focus on something other than his crushed sphincter when Hoffman told him: "Ride commando style for the rest of the year. Like me."

4. France, via Michelin, exacted revenge for the World Cup.

3. Gibernau got a #46 Team Fiat Yamaha voodoo doll as a wedding present. He knows a thing or two about curses.

2. Two words. Toni Fucking Elias. Oops... sorry, that was three. Fucking Elias.

And the number one reason why Rossi didn't win in Istanbul:

A mistake on lap one left him with a lot of work to do to catch up with Stoner--the only guy throughout practice who could consitently match/exceed his times on race tyres. The efforts of Toni "I can't brake in a straight line" Elias didn't help either. Ultimately, it was all too much for his Michelins and 10th was the best he could manage. It might have been worse, if not for Jacque's interpretation of the bowling ball stunt at Jerez.

actually, there's another reason: there's actually another race in istanbul. the one who finishes last wins. sadly, the doctor didn't win that either.

P.s. i just wanna say, tahnk god for internet service at the office coz mine at home is crap!!!!

p.s.s. no motogp for 2 weeks!!!

the tyres weren't crappy enough!

p.s. local weather authorities were saying la nina could start by may... so could we expect rain at china?